


welcome to chili's

by crimson_stars, JadenGrace1



Series: savv & crimson's indulgent kpop Nonsense [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Gen, Memes, Original Nonbinary Character(s) - Freeform, Self-Insert, also bc there's not a nonbinary option for nonbinary ocs:, and meets his match in mitzi, everyone else is kind of along for the ride, kihyun is mom friend, minhyuk is Tired, self-indulgent chaos and nonsense, the chaotic chat fic no one wants or asked for
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:54:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28827003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimson_stars/pseuds/crimson_stars, https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadenGrace1/pseuds/JadenGrace1
Summary: this is literally self-insert kpop chat fic, the most indulgent shit ever that we're posting both for fun and for personal therapy lmao :')don't like, don't read pls!if you're cool with self-insert member/oc fic, then go ahead and hop aboard our chaos train! choo-choo motherf*ckers!
Series: savv & crimson's indulgent kpop Nonsense [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2113629
Kudos: 2





	welcome to chili's

**Author's Note:**

> okay, just some quick notes before we get started: we began writing this two years ago now (the start of 2019) when monsta x was still ot7 and we decided to keep it that way in fic bc it was easier
> 
> also, 99% of typos are intentional bc it's a chat fic my dudes
> 
> chat name key (in order of appearance)  
>  _mitzi.mermaid - mitzi_  
>  _benjibutton - benji_  
>  ~  
>  _changkyutie - changkyun_  
>  _Mom™️ - kihyun_  
>  _joohotdamn - jooheon_  
>  _softpuppy - minhyuk_  
>  _Dad™️ - shownu_  
>  _one(1)hoe - wonho_  
>  _nappingturtle - hyungwon_

**_[chat “platonic soulmates”]_ **

**mitzi.mermaid:** hEY BENJI?????

**mitzi.mermaid:** UMMMM

**mitzi.mermaid:** oh shit its like 6am for you or something

**mitzi.mermaid:** fUCK I NEED TO YELL

**benjibutton:** henlo am awake why yellin

**mitzi.mermaid:** THANK GOD

**mitzi.mermaid:** wait why are you awake at 6am

**benjibutton:** 5:47am actually and i had too much dairy earlier rip me

**benjibutton:** now why r we yellin

**benjibutton:** do i need to fly there and Fight

**mitzi.mermaid:** aw i’m sorry

**mitzi.mermaid:** aND NOPE, NO NEED TO FIGHT

**mitzi.mermaid:** IN FACT MAYBE THE OPPOSITE

**benjibutton:** ???

**mitzi.mermaid:** okay so you know how this whole trip was so my fam could meet mom’s fiance’s fam, right?

**benjibutton:** yeah?

**benjibutton:** dont tell me theyre assholes

**benjibutton:** oh wait u said i dont need to fight nvm

**mitzi.mermaid:** and remember how they told me i would probably get along with his son since he’s around my age, knows some English, and loves music?

**benjibutton:** ...yes?

**benjibutton:** omg do u have a crush on your soon-to-be step-bro-in-law (is that the right term?????)

**mitzi.mermaid:** NO CRUSH BUT I’M DEFINITELY FREAKING THE FUCK OUT

**mitzi.mermaid:** lol benji, no it’s just stepbro 

**benjibutton:** why????

**mitzi.mermaid:** HIS NAME IS MINHYUK

**benjibutton:** okay?????????

**benjibutton:** lmao like Daisy’s future husband

**mitzi.mermaid:** Well, while I would LOVE to be related to Daisy, the thought of my stepbrother invading our group chats is actually horrifying 

**benjibutton:** lmao yeah

**benjibutton:** ...

**benjibutton:** wait

**benjibutton:** wAIT

**benjibutton:** W A I T

**benjibutton** : ARE U SAYING WHAT I THINK UR SAYING

**mitzi.mermaid:** BENJI I’M ABOUT TO EAT DINNER WITH AN ACTUAL LITERAL K-POP IDOL

**benjibutton:** LKDSJFHKASDJFLA

**benjibutton:** MITZI OHMYGOD WHAT

**benjibutton:** W A H T

**benjibutton:** ARE U FCUCKING SERIUS RN

**mitzi.mermaid:** YES AND I’M DYING

**benjibutton:** OHMYGOD YOU’RE GOING TO BE LEGALLY RELATED TO A KPOP IDOL /WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK/

**mitzi.mermaid:** I  K N O W

**benjibutton:** IM HIGHKEY CONVINCED THAT THIS IS JUST AN ELABORATE FEVER DREAM MY BODY IS GIVING ME IN EXCHANGE FOR TRYING TO VIOLENTLY EXPEL ALL THE DAIRY CURRENTLY IN MY SYSTEM

**mitzi.mermaid:** okay forreal benji are you okay

**benjibutton:** am i ever

**mitzi.mermaid:** ...okay valid

**benjibutton:** bUT MY PROBLEMS DIGESTIVE OR OTHERWISE ARE NOT WHATS IMPORTANT RN

**benjibutton:** WHATS IMPORTANT IS THAT YOU DONT IGNORE EVERYONE TO FREAK OUT AT ME VIA TEXT

**benjibutton:** ur still at the dinner, right???

**mitzi.mermaid:** yeah, i think i see our food coming actually

**benjibutton:** alskdjfalksjfdk sTOP TEXTING ME AND TALK TO THE LITERAL INTERNATIONAL CELEBRITY AT YOUR TABLE SDLKJFSLKDJF

**mitzi.mermaid:** oKAY FINE

**benjibutton:** I LOVE U, UR GREAT, U GOT THIS

**mitzi.mermaid:** 💜

**benjibutton:** 🥚

**mitzi.mermaid:** why am i friends with you

**benjibutton:** u know u love me ;)

* * *

**_[chat “platonic soulmates”]_ **

**benjibutton:** mitzi

**benjibutton:** Mitzi

**benjibutton:** Mitzi Please-Stop-Ignoring-Me Schreiber

**benjibutton:** tell me how it went pls im dying

**benjibutton:** i havnt slept the curiosity may Actually Kill Me

**benjibutton:** miTZI PLS ARE U EVEN aLiVE?????

**mitzi.mermaid:** benji it's 3am

**mitzi.mermaid:** even i need sleep sometimes

**mitzi.mermaid:** but

**mitzi.mermaid:** he's really nice????? 

**mitzi.mermaid:** like

**mitzi.mermaid:** i know we knew this bc we fans and the videos and shit

**mitzi.mermaid:** but this was in a real way

**mitzi.mermaid:** he invited nessie and me to spend the day with him tomorrow so parents can have some time

**benjibutton:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**benjibutton:** holy shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**benjibutton:** im!!!!!!!!!!

**benjibutton:** still in shock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**benjibutton:** also that's so sweet what the fUck

**mitzi.mermaid:** yeah, he says he wants to treat ness and i to lunch and to introduce us to one of his friends

**mitzi.mermaid:** and im trying not to die or let on that i am a fan, bc yikes, Awkward™️

**benjibutton:** omg

**benjibutton:** and yeah, i feel that

**benjibutton:** but also i feel like *not* telling him would lead to even more awkwardness???

**benjibutton:** like just be casual about it?

**mitzi.mermaid:** maybe if it comes up? otherwise just dropping out of nowhere that i’m a fan is also awkward

**benjibutton:** yeah tru

**benjibutton:** dO YOU KNOW WHO THE FRIEND IS THO?????

**benjibutton:** mitzi? 

**benjibutton:** MITZI???

**benjibutton:** fuck you fell back asleep

**benjibutton:** ….

**benjibutton:** imma send u some memes to wake up to but wholesome ones bc I love u

**benjibutton:** <3 <3 <3

**benjibutton:**

**benjibutton:**

**benjibutton:**

* * *

**_[chat “all hail shownu’s arms”]_ **

**changkyutie:** HAHAHAHA OH MY GOD

**Mom™️:** what happened, what did Jooheon do

**joohotdamn:** thanks for the vote of confidence mom

**changkyutie:** no you don’t understand 

**changkyutie:** we were hanging out and Minhyuk texted me to come to lunch bc he’s spending the day with his soon to be stepsisters 

**changkyutie:** so i go but i bring Jooheon with me. he orders lunch and he eats everything but the vegetables 

**Mom™️:** _ @joohotdamn _ eat your vegetables, we’ve talked about this! 

**changkyutie:** SO THEN, in the middle of lunch, the older sister looks at Jooheon, AND IN THE MOST MOM VOICE, asks “aren’t you going to eat your vegetables?” 

**Mom™️:** ...i wanna meet her

**changkyutie:** KIHYUN COME MEET HER

**changkyutie:** BRING DAD

**changkyutie:** BRING EVERYONE

**softpuppy:** NO DONT 

**softpuppy:** CHANGKYUN WTH 

**softpuppy:** IM TRYING TO EASE THEM INTO EVERYONE SLOWLY

**changkyutie:** did you honestly believe that would’ve worked lmao

**changkyutie:** you know we are a Whole Mess™️ don’t even pretend you would have been able to introduce us one by one

**softpuppy:** well excuse me for wanting to make a good first impression before unleashing our mess onto them

**Dad™️:** We shouldn't impose if Minhyuk doesn't want us to.

**softpuppy:** THANK YOU

**changkyutie:** but daaaaaaaaaad

**Dad™️:** However, if you do plan on introducing everyone, maybe it would be better to make an honest impression instead of a “good” one?

**changkyutie:** hAHAHA DAD Y E S

**softpuppy:** BETRAYED BY MY OWN FATHER

**one(1)hoe:** gotta let them know what they’re getting into lol

**softpuppy:** B E T R A Y E D

**Mom™️:** _ @joohotdamn _ don’t think I haven’t noticed that you haven’t said anything

**Mom™️:** I’m on my way and you better have eaten your veggies by the time I get there or So Help Me

**joohotdamn:** i can’t believe I’m getting mom’d by two different people who aren’t even my actual mom

**joohotdamn:** and one of them is two years younger than me and has known me for literally one hour

**changkyutie:** your own fault for radiating big baby energy

**changkyutie:** plus she’s really got that whole “mom vibe” going, how did you miss that

**changkyutie:** fuck gotta go, I’m getting a mom look

**joohotdamn:** HAHAHA she told Changkyun she’d been looking forward to meeting him and he’d been on his phone the whole time, were she and her sister really such bad company? 

**joohotdamn:** she totally waited until Minhyuk and her sister were away from the table too. She *planned* it omg

**one(1)hoe:** _ @nappingturtle _ want me to pick u up and we can go together?

**nappingturtle:** im already outside lol sorry

**nappingturtle:** omg i just saw her give kyunnie the Deadest Look this is the best day ever

**nappingturtle:** _@one(1)hoe_ hurry up we have to befriend her immediately 

**softpuppy:** I Hate You All So Much

**softpuppy:** _ @Dad™️ _ please get here to wrangle the Children

**Dad™️:** Again, not my kids. But I’m on my way. Need me to bring you anything?

**softpuppy:** my will to live

**Dad™️:** ...anything tangible?

**Mom™️:** ignore his dramatic ass and just get your butt over here she is a DELIGHT and I love her already

**softpuppy:** I. Hate. You. All. So. Much.

**nappingturtle:** lol

**nappingturtle:** omg she just got a text and when she looked at it she looked so Dead Inside.

**nappingturtle:** apparently her best friend sent her a meme with a terrible pun _@Mom™️_ _@Dad™️_ can we PLEASE adopt her and her friend

**softpuppy:** everyone just sHUT UP AND GET HERE GOD

* * *

**_[chat “platonic soulmates”]_ **

**mitzi.mermaid:** benji

**mitzi.mermaid:** for my funeral, pls remember that i don’t want one

**mitzi.mermaid:** arrange for a nice reception, tell funny stories of me, and then bury the tree pod that contains my ashes somewhere nice, where i can be a tree of comfort for someone someday (assuming the world doesn’t die first)

**mitzi.mermaid:** because oH MY GOd

**mitzi.mermaid:** i met them??? i met all of them???

**mitzi.mermaid:** i mom’d jooheon??? I mom’d I.M.??? i /sass mom’d/ I.M.???

**mitzi.mermaid:** i have died, that’s the only possible explanation. farewell, i’ll think of you fondly

**benjibutton:** ;laksdhfkjahsdlfjlsafasdfj

**benjibutton:** jwjkeflwnlnf’

**benjibutton:** HOLY FUCHK

**benjibutton:** IM SJDKFAHSDLFH

**benjibutton:** I CAN’T BELIVE U ACTUALLY MOM’D T W O OF THEM SLFJLK

**benjibutton:** actually i can, bc it’s /you/ lmao

**benjibutton:** bUT STILL 

**mitzi.mermaid:** l i s t e n

**mitzi.mermaid:** if i will mom my own /mother/, everyone else is fair game

**mitzi.mermaid:** benji WHAT HAVE I DONE

**benjibutton:** I MEAN

**benjibutton:** you let them know what they’re getting into I guess?????

**benjibutton:** mom’d them right off the bat to let them know that ur mom-ness knows no bounds ansndnmdkfkcmfjfkf

**benjibutton:** how’d they react????

**mitzi.mermaid:** well, kihyun seemed to love it, so i wanna say well??

**benjibutton:** ALKSDJFLKASJF BLESS

**benjibutton:** u know what i shouldn’t be surprised, it’s kihyun lmao

**mitzi.mermaid:** mom friend recognizes like

**benjibutton:** y’all were literally the “same hat” meme IM LIVING

**benjibutton:** GIMME 2 MIN GOTTA MEME THIS

**benjibutton:**

**mitzi.mermaid:** i- okay

**mitzi.mermaid:** jooheon was Not Pleased lmao

**mitzi.mermaid:** probs bc now there are /two/ of us

**mitzi.mermaid:** fake maknae problems 

**benjibutton:** rip lol

**mitzi.mermaid:** OH!

**mitzi.mermaid:** i forgot!

**mitzi.mermaid:** you sent me all those memes when i was still with them and hyungwon saw them and he fell over laughing, so like

**mitzi.mermaid:** you can now say that you have made a celebrity laugh so hard they fell out of their chair

**mitzi.mermaid:** you’re welcome ;) 

**benjibutton:** ALSK;DJFKASDFL’;A

**benjibutton:** JKFLASJDFHABSDKF;LHK

**benjibutton:** HOLY SHIT ARE U SERIOUS??????!?!?!?!?!?

**benjibutton:** ….wAIT THAT MEANS THEIR FIRST IMPRESSION OF ME WAS THROUGH MEMES

**benjibutton:** M E M E S

**mitzi.mermaid:** at least it was a realistic one

**benjibutton:** im…

**benjibutton:** …...im so upset bc ur absolutely right

**benjibutton:** wHY AM I LIKE THIS SDKLFJSLJF

**benjibutton:** jesus

  
  


* * *

**_[chat “all hail shownu’s arms”]_ **

**joohotdamn:** _@everyone_ so we’re officially adopting them, right??? yes??? good

 **joohotdamn:** _@softpuppy_ pls give me the bff’s # ASAP (bj, right?) bc it was mentioned they have kITTENS and I need pics immediately and constantly thereafter or i might die

**softpuppy:** hi Mitzi is reading over my shoulder df’fh’EOFGuiwrf

**softpuppy:** this is Mitzi, i stole minhyuk’s phone, my best friend’s name is Benji

**softpuppy:** get it right or i’ll ban them from sending kitten pics :)

**changkyutie:** …i really wanna say i’m not scared but that would be a lie

**Mom™️:** God, i love her so much

**Mom™️:** don’t worry, Mitzi, we’ll make sure to keep Benji’s name right

**Mom™️:** right  _ @joohotdamn _ ?

**joohotdamn:** yes absolutely 100% im so sorry mitzi pls forgive me

**softpuppy:** ...you’re forgiven…

**softpuppy:** ...this time…. 

**softpuppy:** i’ll give minhyuk his phone now

**softpuppy:** bye bye :)

**softpuppy:** okay im back now and mildly terrified

**changkyutie:** wow same

**Dad™️:** …i have never been more grateful to be an only child

**changkyutie:** ...she didn’t give us benji’s number and i’m too scared rn to ask again…

**nappingturtle:** lol

**nappingturtle:** we can just ask later

**nappingturtle:** i want to see the memes

  
**one(1)hoe:** ...i leave my phone alone for like 5 minutes and miss so much

**Author's Note:**

> there will be no consistent posting schedule so sorry in advance, oops
> 
> also, we aren't going to tolerate hate on here. if we do or say something that's culturally insensitive or anything like that, by all means let us know. otherwise pls be kind and remember that you are under no obligation to read :')


End file.
